Trance

…because regret is stronger than gratitude 

I saw you sparkle from a distance
With your beauty… I was dazzled
My feet couldn’t keep still.
Like a zombie, I was set in a trance towards you
I saw that look you gave me
So inviting… You winked and signalled that I come closer
As I progressed along… I imagined all that we could be
The future was set… this is what’s meant for us
My pace quickened… I walked faster
My smile widened… This is it
You were so close! I could almost breathe you in…
Then I hit my head… my forehead…
At the transparent glass door between us

I hadn’t noticed such a boundary existed
I reached for the door handle and turned it in haste
But it was locked
I looked around frantically for the keys
But none existed
You pulled out the keys, hanging on your fingers…
Shook your head, and slid them in your handbag

I placed my palms on the glass door
And you placed yours correspondingly on the opposite side
I looked into your eyes, your beautiful clear eyes
And there… they were filled with tears
Tears that looked like they had been kept in for so long
You blinked, and they started to drip
I was confused! Struck! Weakened!
I lisped to you… “Why? Please let me in.”
You replied… “I’m sorry, I can’t”
As you said the words… your tears streamed more and more
You shook your head again and again
And kept saying… “I can’t. I can’t.”
I muttered… “Please give me a chance.”
But your mind was made up…

I felt my legs wobble, giving up the strength to hold me up
I slipped onto my knees and my sweaty palms stained the glass
I broke down… Powerless – unable to move a muscle
All I did was to sob like a baby…
As I felt my heart crushed into pieces
My lips quivered and I said the words…
“I love you.”

This time I meant it.
This time I was for real
But you were fed up with my lies
You would have no more of it
You knelt down in front of me…
You looked straight into my eyes
For one very last time
And said…
“I loved you”
De-Graft, 2018